Facing my past mistakes and paranoia
I'm like, "Okay brain, time to start a thread because I have no clue where else to turn." It feels like everything's just falling apart-career-wsie and relationship-wise. Overthinking has become my full-time job, and it's getting so intense that all the sunshiney thoughts are taking a hike while the dark clouds move in.
I know I've got this reputation around college for my porn addiction-it was one of those things that spread like wildfire. And let's not forget the first relationship that ended badly because I wasn't exactly myself at the time, trying to navigate through a rough patch. So when I went into grad school, it all kinda exploded and I just had to bail on everything.
Now every time I leave my comfort zone-be it college or work-I'm convnced people are whispering about me behind my back or planning their next indirect insult. Sometimes, I even think my phone might be bugged! It's a lonely place when you push away your friends because you're convinced they've turned their backs on you too.
I know I screwed up big time, but forgive and forget? Not happening anytime son-even after three to four years of carrying this weight around.
4 Replies
Oh wow, it sounds like you're feeling really overwhelmed and maybe a bit paranoid too. Paranoid thoughts can make everything feel extra stressful and complicated. It's tough when you're dealing with school and friendships at the same time-I hope everything gets better soon though, because you deserve some peace of mind. 🌲
I walked into work today feeling like everyone was either making jokes at my expense or whispering behind my back as if I had just quit. It's this weird sensation that the whole place thinnks they know all the worst parts of me. (Ugh, it's so uncomfortable.)
I'm dealing with my own shit too but differently. Feeling crap and paranoid. Don't beat yourself up. You deserve peeace if you're done watching it. If you still have issues, gotta change. Easier said than done though. People care about us even if they don't say it.Remember that. Love bro
Feeling lie everyones got their eye on me, ready to point a finger. I'm pretty sure I've made some mistakes, but honestly, it's rough living with a side of judgment 24/7. And then there are the nightmares-nightly reminders that keep replaying in my head. It's a real drag, every single day.