Support for addiction recovery
Hi everyone,
I would really appreciate your thoughts and advice.
So, my partner is in recovery from addiction. We've known each other for a few months, and we recently moved in together.He's tried getting sober numerous times before, and I've been there through two relapses-it was quite tough to see him struggle like that. But it seems like things are finally looking up since we started living together. The new environment, our excitement about this new chapter, my support, and a lot of hard work on his part have made all the difference. We celebrated the first month modestly since getting a dog put a strain on both our finances and time.
Now we're approaching 100 days, which is really significant for him because it's only happened once before and he relapsed after that milestone. I'm so proud of how far he's come, and I'm happy to see him doing well!
I wanted to do something special for this achievement. I booked a fancy hotel and started planning a whole weekend full of fun activities. But now I'm worried about it being too much. The last time he reached 100 days, thnigs didn't go so well afterwards. Would celebrating too big set him back? Would it bring up negative memories?
Maybe I'm overthinking this. Should I still go all out with the plans? Or should I keep it low-key and relaxed instead? He doesn't know about any of this yet since he never keeps track of days-he thinks that's a good thing, so I can't ask him what he wants directly.
Some context: when it comes to gifts or surprises, he says he's fine with them but also has a strong need to feel valued. The first time I told him how proud I was of him, he nearly cried.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. I'm stressing about all the details a bit too much, I think. Overall, I'm leaning towards going ahead wiht the trip and having both relaxing and celebratory activities ready to adapt if needed based on his mood that weekend.
Thanks so much for any advice you can ofer!
2 Replies
I totally agree-it's awesome that you want to celebrate his sobriety mliestone.You know everyone has their own journey with addiction, rigt? I'm super analytical myself, and my partner is a recovering addict whos been sober for almost four years now. He had one slip-up but got back on track pretty quick. For me, if I were to celebrate him (he's all like, "Nah I don't count it" but he knows his sobriety date), he'd be super into it. But honestly, since he's such a low-key guy, annything too over-the-top would freak him out. So maybe something chill and relaxing? 100 days is around three months-huge achievement! Do you guys go to meetings or have any special tags for milestones like that? If not, getting a 3-month sobriety tag could be cool even if it's a tad past the mark. Maybe keeping things simple would work better too. Just throwing in my two cents because I don't know all the details of your situation or his specific triggers. A sober card expressing pride and maybe a gratitude journal to keep him motivated beyond 100 days could really be thoughtful without being overwhelming. Hope this helps!
hey omg first off ur thinking so hard rly means sht it's a sign u care abt this stuff in the right way
just wanna say marlatt's "abstinence violation effect" fr, like when ppl celebrate and think 'i did good so far, i can have one now' that combo is hella risky esp for first-time big milestones. 1st sober xmas or bday r high-risk too coz no real precedent to handle it well.
u might wanna check out this artc on recoverwithclarity cuz they break down the phases and how phase 3 (around 100 days) is tricky cus most ppl don't understand it properly. both of u shud read dis
ur idea of keeping it low key, focusing on u俩 and not making a huge deal outa it, that's rly smart. quiet connec over loud recognition. spreading the acknowledgement across the wknd also sounds good. small proud moments can mean alot w/o triggering sht.
n just keep flexibl liek ur pln to have diff options for his mood. recovery stuff ain't always predicable
btw, just writin this post itself is sendin a strong msg that he prob notices. u being thoughtful rly helps him stay grounded