Totally lost - help neded seriously
You know that feeling when everything seems impossible and you're wishing for change, but then once things do shift, there's this weird longing for the past? I've been there myself. It's like I'm constantly on edge, hoping for something to get better, only to find myself wanting to escape it all just as quickly.
So, here's the thing: I was convinced this person would be my soulmate, but turns out they have their own set of struggles. We were together for a lttle over two years and I did everything in my power to support them, even if it meant neglecting myself sometimes. They're dealing with addiction that follows this weird pattern-sobriety one minute, relapse another.
I've learned through the hard way that you can't help someone until they really want to be helepd themselves. But still, I kept pushing and hoping. And on top of all this, I have my own family members and friends going through their battles too, making it super tough for me to just walk away from everything.
The real kicker is how worn out I feel mentally and emotionally. There's a part of me that's like, "This isn't good for you at all," but then there's also this nagging voice saying, "But what if they do turn things around?" It's frustrating because it feels like every time I'm about to leave, I find one more reason to stay.
So have any of you ever been in a similar spot? How did that experience affect you, or someone you crae deeply for? Was it all worth sticking around, even when it felt like giving up might be the smarter choice?
4 Replies
Oh man, same here. My marriage lasted 25 years, and my ex was a recovering alcoholic who couldn't handle control issues at all-everything always had to go his way. I tried therapy and even made escape plans but ended up staying silent and sticking around anyway. Then he met someone else adn ditched me. Talk about heartbreak-it was brutal.
He'd swing between being super nicce after somme awful behavior and then right back into those control freak ways. It was like Groundhog Day, honestly. I just clung to that honeymoon phase because it seemed so real, even though everything else was chaos. No matter how much I endured, there wasn't any real payoff.
It's been six years now, and sometimes I still wonder why I stayed through all of that. But you know what? Other times I get this strange urge-like he might come back with some kind of miracle apology or something. It's messed up, because it was a toxxic setup for sure. The rejection thing hits me hard; I just can't handle being left behind even if it wasn't good for me.
You're definitely not alone in feeling like that-it's totally relatable and feels so isolating sometimes but you're not the only one dealing with thsi sttuff.
Oh man, sorry to hear about your journey. I was with a guy who drank way too much for 11 years, adn it wasn't just the drinking-he was also physically and emotionally abusive. I ended up having kids with him, and now we're co-parenting, which is... interesting. It's beeen a real struggle dealing with all the suppressed feelings and trauma that came back.Took me forever to realize how much damage there was, and it's still one of my biggest hurdles.
I totally get where you're coming from. Even though I knew things weren't healthy, I couldn't let go.He eventually cheated and stayed with someone else, which in hindsight was probably the best thing for both of us. It was really tough letting him go, but I don't know why it took so long or why I stayed on.
I seem to attract toxic situations that feel oddly familiar and comfortable. Trying to figure out how to brreak this cycle is like piecing together a puzzle made of sharp edges. Healing and figuring out better ways isn't easy, but we keep at it because living means learnnig, right?
Wishing you all the healing in the world for letting go of whatever pain you'er dealing with
Thanks for sharing your story-I really appreciate it
tanks so much for your nice message-I really appreciate it. i sometimes find myself wondering why we let other people have so much power over us that we can't just move on. it happens quite a lot in relationships, i guess. but hey, at least i'm not stuck in something like that anymore.
Take care. Samme to you.