Anxiety keeps me up at night honestly

Okay, so 7 years ago I joined Health Unlocked and it's been kind of my lifeilne sometimes. It was like, "I wish I could just close my eyes and go poof-disappear off the face of the earth." I felt totally alone back then; you know that feeling when no one loves you or even cares if you're around? No one misses me, I didn't think I liked myself either. I was this jobless, lonely 61-year-old who thought they were a failure, just taking up space in the world. Life felt like c***-you know what I mean?

Anyway, it's funny because I remember writing all these things when I joined, and life is so much different now, yet sometimes... not really. There are still nights where I wake up panicked as hell, you know? Unlike Sinatra with his too few regrets to mention-I've got a whole suitcase full of them. Sometimes I wonder how someone could throw their entire life away like that.

Back then, drink and drugs were my buddies-they seemed fun at the time, but they just made me look silly in the end. They messed up any chance I had of happiness big-time. Thinking back, I felt so clever back then, but turns out I was just being an idiot. Now? I'm just a regretful, sad old guy who's scared and lonely, and honestly-I don't fit in anywhere.

If you made it through reading all that without falling asleep, thanks for sticking around. And if you've got any kind thoughts or even fel like saying a prayer, well, that would mean the world to me riight now. I'm just trying to get through day by day-wondering sometimes what next year will bring or seen years down the road, who knows? Just... thanks for being there when no one else seemed to be.