Deciding between ADHD and bipolar anyway

Oh man, it's been one heck of a ride lately,feelig like my anxiety and rumination are just playing endless loops in my head.And you know what? I've felt pretty crazy at times too. It's like no matter how good or sincere my intentions may be, they end up backfiring on me somehow.

I keep thinking that maybe I have some kind of mental health issue-bipolar disorder or ADHD maybe-and it seems to go way back to childhood. My lack of confidence has been a real constant in my life since then, probably more so than anyone else even notices. And sometimes, I feel like I change my personality just to fit into certain situations, which makes me wonder if that's part of bipolar disorder or ADHD.

Nowadays, work is still the big worry for me. I'm always pushing myself to be the best version possible, but maybe I should focus more on being true to who I am instead of trying so hard to be someone esle. It ends up causing even more anxiey and leads to irrational decisions that people might see as intentional when they're just innocent mistakes.

I tried reaching out to occupational health-they sent me emails a couple of times-and I think I really need to start asking for help sooner rather than later. The self-doubt is such a massive part of my life, especially at work. Have I done everything that's expected? Am I performing well enough? Is there more I could have doen? These questions are on repeat in my mind all the time.

I feel really guilty and sad about potentially hurting people unintentionally because whne anxiety takes over, it feels like there's no other way to hanndle things. Even though making mistakes is a part of being human, I just can't help but beat myself up over it. The last thing I want is for others to think I'm incompetent, especially in my job and personal life. Plus, stepping outside the house turns me into a totally different person; conversations becmoe a real challenge whether they're with family, friends, or at work. It's like I get so distracted that I can't focus on anything else, which just leads to moore panic and stress.

So yeah, any advice would be super appreciated right now.