Feeling like i'm not one of themhonestly, sometimes it feels like nobody
Ever feel like you're just different from everyone else? Like maybe the world is trying to crucify you or somethinng? It's like people are always out to get you for no reason other than being alive, i mean. Sometimes I think I have this super cold vibe, but it's not even mine-it's like it's been stuck on me since forever. You know, when I was really little, I had this weird empathic paranormal eperience that totally shook things up and changed everything about my life ever since.
I feel kinda dead inside, i mean. No tears, just pure anger at the world and everyone in it. And it's like all this negative energy isn't coming from me-it's like it's being sucked into me or something. It's dark and heavy, and people can sense it, as if there's a big target on my back.
The way I feel? It's cold, overwhelming, and makes you just want to curl up in a ball with no wll to fight anymore. Every time someone new comes around, it triggers those paranoid thoughts of being watched or misunderstood. You know, everyone is weary of me, and I'm weary of them.
I've tried everything-medications for years, exorcisms,therapy-everything. Sometimes it goes away for a little while, but then it comes back with a vengeance, u know?
And those nightmares? Oh, man, they're brutal. It's like the whole world is against me, starting some kind of apocalypse or whatever. Then there are these dreams where people in cloaks tell me my soul isn't mine anymore and hasn't been for ages. The scariest ones though? They're about this creepy forest with fog so thick you can barely see two feet ahead. There's this tall creature-looks like it's seven to ten feet, has antlers, and is just skeletal. It stalks me through that murky forest, mimicking the voices of my loved ones, including my mom who passed away, telling me I'm worthless and they regret having me.
Those nightmares are just relentless, i mean. They keep playing over and over in my head, haunting me every night
11 Replies
Hey! Have you thought about using art as a way to heal? You know, sometimes creating something-like drawing pictures or painting-can really help get those feelings out. Maybe makign some art could give that creature of yours less control over your thoughts and emotions. It's like giving it an outlet insead of letting it weigh you down all the time.
Oh man, existential crisis? Yeah, Joseph Campbell totally nails that in his book "A Hero with a Thousand Faces." Don't worry though, what you're going through is actually like a big life transformation. Seriously though, most people won't get it-trust me on this. But honestly, you don't have to figure everything out by yourself. There's an awesome group in Oregon called the Spiritual Emergence Society that might help. Just reach out if you feel like it; they could be really cool to talk to. And hey, we might not totally understand everything right now-things change, ya know?
Your wife sounds amazing. I didn't mean to come off as preacyh earlier-just glad things are clearer now and I can say sorry for any unintneded judgments. T U
Yeah, totally get what you're saying-like how Batman turned his fear of bats into something empowering. It's more about using it as a way to conquer my fears rather than fully embracing them like Bruce Wayne. That actually sounds really smart and doable for me. I'll definitely check out that organization in Oregon right away though. Thanks, honetly!
Oh hey, are you talking about that Spiritual Emergence thingie at spiritualemergence.net?
Did you hear back from them yet? Fingers crossed! -oh wait, no emojis for me today.
Hey everyone, so this is talking about The Spiritual Emergence Network-yeah, it's all about thaat. And you know, we're referencing something from working in mental health and stuff. I mean, the tool comes from a degree program I did through Independent Study, all about Community Mental Health with Utilization of Creativity as a Healing Tool.
Sent an email, waiting for reply.
This thing only showed up when I admitted being borderline narcissistic, selfish, and grreedy. Acting like I was drowning, feeding a bottomless pit. Once I reconciled, it started revealing itself, showing it wasn't all my fault and there's still time to change.
I think my degree program is focused on Community Mental Health using Arts as a Healing Tool, maybe something like that.
Got it. Take care. WX
yep totally get it ...