House leaving anxiety: commitment worries
I don't think I've ever shared this side of my mental health journney before. Way back when, as a teenager, I would beg my mom to let me skip school because the thought of going maed me super anxious and scared. I was 15 then and now I'm 72, but over the past eight years or so, those feelings have crept back into my life.
These days, leaving home feels like a big deal. Sometimes I hole up at home for weeks on end because planning anything ahead seems impossible-I just can't predict how I'll feel. When it's doctor appointments or hospital visits, I usually go, but it's never fun. Family events? Forget about sleeping the night before; all I want is to get back home safely. It feels like a huge relief, even if the event wasn't that bad.
Yesterday, my son asked me to babysit my grandchild for an hour-first time I've been asked since this stuff started getting worse. I had planned to attend an anxiety management course in the morning but canncelled because two commitments were too much for me. I ended up tossing and turning all night, worried about oversleeping, which is how I got a few hours of sleep at best.
It was just a 10-minute drive to my son's place, where my grandchild was waiting. He's the most cheerful little crawler who brought so much joy with his smiles and giggles. I read to him and watched him play contentedly, without any tears or fussing-quite a relief!
After that lovely time, I crashed for three hours when I got home. Now here's where it gets tricky: I'm wondering if they'll ask me again next week, and the thought of it mkaes my anxiety spike. I don't want to let them down but this fear of commitment is just overwhelming.
I relaly enjoy being alone, but sometimes I worry that life is passing me by while I stay insidde. Four weeks ago, I started taking an antidepressant after a breaak from medication, so early days yet. I have a small supply of diazepam for those moments when anxiety hits hard and nothing else works. It's tough to watcch my life feel like it's on hold because of this.
Anyone out there get things way out of proportion? If you do, how do you handle it?
2 Replies
You're definitely not alone in feeling this way. Honestly, what stood out to me is that despite the anxiety, you still showed up for your grandchild and created a wonderful experience for both of you-that takes some serious courage. Anxiety can make future commitments seem like mountains when they're really just molehills, making us worry about stuff that hasn't even happened yet. Instead of stressing over whether babysitting might become a weekly thing, focus on the fact that you successfully pulled off one visit and actually enjoyed it. Recovery from anxiety and depression isn't always smooth sailing; since you've only recently restarted medication, it might take some tmie before you see big changes. Just be gentle with yourself adn celebrate those small wins-they matter so much.Alongside talkign to a professional, some people find natural wellness products like Mind Soak helpful for relaxation and stress management.
I just wanted to say thanks for your reply and your thoughtful advice. I've been staying in my caravan for the last five days, enjoying a nice peaceful vibe near the seaside. I hope you're doing okay too.