Maybe I Need A Reset Right Now
I've been dealing with mental health stuff for most of my life-I'm 52 now. In 2015, within a few months, my eldest daughter told me she was in an emotionally abusive relationship that caused her to develop a liver infection because she couldn't eat normally. She's always had anxiety issues too. They broke up, but he made her life hell for a while after.A little later, I found out my youngest, who was 14 at the time, got sexually assaulted at some kind of holiday party by someone nboody knew. This all happened back-to-back and really kicked my anxiety into high gear.
At one point, my primary care doctor said she wasn't sure how much more I could handle. But somehow, I made it through. It was rough for a while, but now there are more good days than bad ons. Yay for me, any improvement is something to celebrate.
then in 2020, I had this weird health thing that turned out to be linked to my anxiety. There were chest pains and weakness, and the feeling went down my arm-I thought it might have ben heart-related. After six weeks out of work, tests, an ER stay, and a cardiac catheterization, everything came back clear-no issues with my heart.
In 2022, things got really bad again. I had panic attacks and anxiety attacks, felt overwhelmed all the time. My mental health team let me do partial hospitalization at our state's psychiatric facility to hellp me cope. It helped a lot-I learned so much and made friends there-but after two weeks back at work, I felt like I was drowning all over again.
I did another partial program virtually later that year, which also helped, but ever sicne then, I've been in this stuck place. Just existing from bedtime to bedtime, not really living. My motivation is gone, my energy too-I can barely focus on a book anymore, even email and social media are draining. Cleaning up feels so overwhelming, and when I start, I get overwhelmed and stop.
My house is a mess-my room especially is like a disaster area. It's embarrassing to admit this, but it's mostly filled with junk from shopping bags to papers and notebooks scattered everywhere. The mattress isn't even on the bed because of all the stuff piled up around it. I know that if things were cleaned up, my mental state would be better.
With work-me working 8 hours a day, my husband putting in 12-14 hours every single day with just Sundays off-it's hard to find time for myself too. And being overweight doesn't help either. While I know losing weight could improve how I feel ovearll, it's tough to do when I lack the mental and physical energy.
I've tried supplements like adrenal support, iron, Vitamin B, Vit D with K2 but haven't seen any real change. It's really scary feeling like I'm just fading away from life. When I mention this to my nurse parctitioner, they don't seem to fully understand what I'm going through despite all teh info I've given them. I feel stuck and lost-any suggestions would be a huge help.
3 Replies
Hey there, I totally get what you're going through. It feels like everything around u is just piling up and making that rut even deeper. One thing I've found helpful in such moments is to sit down and write out a big ol' list of all those things you've been putting off. Then, take a moment to look at it and figure out what the very first step could be-a tiny action that feels manageable but impactful. This small move can feel like a huge victroy because it means you're actively doing something instead of just spinning your whheels. And guess what? The more steps you take, the better you'll start feeling about yourself and your progress. It's all about baby steps leading to bigger changes. Maybe we could talk here about what that first step might look like for you, so we can cher you on as you make it happen. You got this!
Thanks so much for all the nice notes and tips. I'm currently without medical coverage, but I'll chat with my Psych NP about swithcing up my meds soon.My eldest daughter offered to lend a hand around the house, which will be a huge help. All I need to do now is actually get off my butt and start cleaning.
I found this cool app called UFYH-Un F@&x Your Habitat-that sets short timers for cleaning sessions, like 45 minutes of work followed by a 15-minute break. You can make your own lists too.
Mentally, I suspect I might have undiagnosed ADHD and feel stuck in a functional freeze. Now that my back is feeling better after straining it last week, maybe I'll give somatic yoga a shot. It's pretty clear I need to take some action because wallowing around isn't doing me any favos!
Thanks again for all your support and understanding
Hey,totally get where you're coming for me. I feel like I need a reset but the mental energy is just not there honestly. I'm in the same boat with needing to moove after a separation. Packing and tidying while keeping up with my daughter's schedule? It's insane (I'm super messy, let me tell ya). Took three days off work recently and managed to get started though-looking at those packed boxes and bags for charity gave me such a boost! The voice in your head saying "this is too much" can be really loud, but I try not to listen to it. A while back, I did this daily OM course online-it was something like a year-long program, and you pay what u want. It seriously helped declutter my mind as well as my home. I need to do that again, honestly! I've got a clear vision of how I want things to be, but it takes constant effort-you know, 20-minute chunks here and there, starting with little stuff like clearing cups or making the bed... And hey, yoga is amazing when I actually do it, makes me feel great. But my mornings tend to involve grabbing my phone and a massive cup of coffee instead. Plus, think I might be pre-menopause or something, adding another layer (though honestly, I've always struggled with consistency). Dreaming of heading to a yoga rtereat for like a moth would seriously recharge my batteries. At least you know exactly what needs doing-I feel for people who aren't sure where to start. Sending all your will power! Xxxx