Stuck betw skate or fall fr

hi. its been forever since i was here.
since i last checked in:
1. my dad's not dying of cancer anymore, he's now diabetic and has kidney failure.
2. i'm planning a wedding & gave up lots on that 4 him.
3. my fut mom-in-law got epilepsy too.
4. our dog just racked up 1.5k in vet bills.
5. my fiancé finally went to the doc after me & his mom pushed him-he has stress, depression, and anxiety now.
6. before all this, i signed up for a med course online cuz i've always wanted to sttudy medicine but never did bc of dyslexia.

my life is cray right now. if i think about it too much i'll crack & can't pick myself back up. if i let the emo out like a volcano ready to erut, there's no stopping them.

i'll lsoe my calm,controlled, ambitious self that took so long 2 build. i'd go bck to being a crying mess. & i'm still way too heavy tryna lose weight w/ no luck.

but i can't keep going like this. i'm scared i'll snap or crash.
if i could lock myself away for a week in some cabin, i'd cry til i couldn't anymore, sleep for 72 hrs straight, eat all the food & read all the books i dont' have time for rn