A Year Of Medical And Mental Strugglees

This year has been a therapy marathon for me-weekly sessions, decade-plus going strong-and stikcing to my meds like glue. Over the past two decades, I've had at least 8 diagnoses and tried out dozens of different medication cocktails. Still feeling mentally rough daily.

Then this year threw in a few medical curveballs: Celiac Disease and SIBO, plus three emergency eye surgeires and two cataract surgeries within seven months. Got legally blind for the summer, and my eyesight is permanently affected-still not fully healed yet either.

Last week I lost it with my therapist and snapped at her. I don't know how to make things right or face her again. I tried telling her this deep secret I planned on taking to my grrave because I finally trusted her after all these years, and now I can't handle having it out there.

I hate being needy and mean and pushing everyone away. This spiral feels like it has to hit bottom sometime, but I'm not sure how low it'll go or how much damage I'll do to the people around me. Any advice or kind thoughts would be hugely appreciated