Accepting help and loving yourself

I just let the dam burst the other day when I finally told my family that I've been dealing with mental health stuff for, like, forever-about 20+ years now. This isn't new; it's the third time or something, but here I am, back to square one again, closing myself off and falling into that old self-destructive pattern. It's made life rough-I can't keep a job steady, relationships are tough, and being a dad is even harder because of all this stuff.

I've been trying so hard not to be a burden on anyone by acting like everything's okay, but I kind of ended up becoming one anyway when it got too much. Sometimes, I'd hit rock bottom and seek help briefly, but then I wouldn't stick with it. About ten years ago, I even thought about taking the easy way out, so I checked myself into a hospital for a week and was on mdes for three to four months. But eventually, I felt like I wasn't deserving of that kind of care, so I stopped.

Since forever,I've just never felt worthy of anything good in my life. Like, everything was too great for me, and I always thought I wasn''t lovable at all. In the grand scheme of things, there's not much about myself that I like. So how do you learn to accept help when it's offered, and more importantly, accept yourself?