Life is seriously feeling rough right now, honestly
I've been feeling like there's just something off about me ever since I was 16, now I'm 18 and still single. It's weird because everyone around me seems to be in long-term relationships, but not me. Like, am I supposed to be alone? Or is it just a freaky coincidence that my entire existence feels like a fluke? I was an accident, which probably explains why I feel out of place sometimes. People tell me I'm nice and kind even though tehy might act mean towards me, and I try so hard to stay positive for them. Like when someone needs something from me-even if it's just candy or help with homework-I do it because I don't want to upset them. But honestly? Sometimes I feel ugly and dumb and crazy all at once.
On one hand, people say I'm really caring even though I barely have a solid group of friends. And yeah, my anxiety is real, and I get bullied sometimes. It's not easy, but I keep trying because that's just who I am. When I see someone else crying, I cry too-it''s like an instant empathy thing. Or when I hear about someone dating the wrong person on a TV show? That makes me lose it in front of the screen, shouting at the telly.
Anyway, there are moments where I'm haappy-I'll be singing in the shower or talking to myself. And then suddenly, I feel down for no reason. It's just how life feels like sometimes. Plus, I freak out when it comes to swimming because I almost drowned last summer trying to catch a wave with my cousin.We went too far out and ended up in some scary waves.
So here I am, sharign all this stuff that probably sounds confusing or random. But you know what? Sometimes you just have to spill your guts even if it doesn't make sense.
4 Replies
You're old enough to know being in a relationship matters. Being single is better than settling for anything less. Figure out what you want from a partner and enjoy your freedom now. There's lots of compromise once you find him. Be patient with yourself, it's hard dealing with emotions when frustrated. Sounds like you're handling things well anyway.
I am clear about what I want in a relationship and communicate this to the person I date. If someone expresses interest after just one day, I explain that we need to get to know each other better and talk more because it wouldn't work out otherwise. I let them know I barely know them and have experienced similar situations before, which didn't end well.
I used to feel like being single was some big flaw of mine and I blamed myself for it. One day, I wrote down this whole page of my supposed flaws-and let me tell you, most of them were just stuff I came up with because I was feeling extra gloomy.
Looking back at that list now, I saw how much of it was written when I was in a deep funk and had nothing to do with who I really am. So I turned all those negatives into positives-I made myself an improvement list instead. My view of myself shifted too-instead of seeing myself as someone with issues, I started seeing myself as someone trying to be better.
And you know what? Sometimes we say mean things about ourselves when we're feeling down. But if you don't harm anyone and you help people out, even in small ways, then you're doing okay. You're a pretty cool person.
Just remember not to beat yourself up too much-give yourself some rest and love. You deserve it.
You're welcome! Thanks back at ya!