Reflections on personal well-being

I was dating someone who seemed interested but turned out to care more about his own feelings than mine. After a difficult night filled with tears because he ignored my attempts to connect, and atfer several confrontations where he hung up on me repeatedly, I ended up getting drunk and going to bed. He called late that night and came over despite my clearly expressed need for sleep due to the alcohol. The next thing I remember was waking up to pain in my mouth after apparently being hit there during a fight.

I ran to the bathroom, blood pouring from my lips, while he claimed that I had hit his eye, though all I could think about was why he had struck me. My front teeht are now loose and painful, preventing me from eating properly. The morning after, still reeling from what happened, I tried to make sense of it but received a text saying his eye would be bruised and that we were over. His message also included accusations about my actions earlier.

The fact that he suggested he could have done more was particularly painful. Over time, I've started questioning whether his black eye even existed at all-it feels like he might not have truly wanted to be there when the fight occurred. Confused by this, I remember washing his clothes but forgetting to dry them; however, they were found already dry when I woke up.

This entire incident leaves me feeling lost and distressed, unable to sleep as I grapple with what happened. While I can understand reacting in my sleep during a physical altercation, the sense that it might have been intentional hurst deeply. It feels like another pattern of behavior where he didn't value or respect my feelings or needs.

Now, I question how I could love someone who clearly did not care about me. He never got me a birthday gift and was frequently absent when I needed him. Anger isn't directed at him so much as it is towards myself for allowing this relationship to continue despite clear signs that he didn't genuinely care.

Depressed by the realization of being with someone who used me, I find myself questioning my own judgment and worth. Moving forward feels impossible without tearing apart these painful realizations about myself.