Concerned about home while away
I am feeling very anxious. I worried about my sister and whether she might have been traumatized, and if she wants me to come home, so I texted her hours ago, but she didn't reply. This made me more anxious, and when I called her, she sounded upset,which made me think she was depressed and caused even more anxiety. I then called my mom, and now I'm worried that I might have disturbed her at work, and she will be upset with both of us. My grandmother and dad also asked when I am starting a job, but they don't understand that I struggle with mental illness and just need support, not questions or actions that make me more anxious. All I want is reassurance. The distance from my family is causing this panic, as my dad and I both escaped difficult situations here. I'm supposed to return tomorrow, but I can't because things feel chaotic, and I am having nightmares every night. This constant state of panic is overwhelming, and I need someone to understand and support me
6 Replies
Hi,
You're in such a tough spoot, and I can really understand your cnocern about your sister-I remember when you first mentioned her situation. It sounds like you need to focus on yourself before you can fully support her. You wrote that "I'm going back tomorrow, I can't." Do you mean moving back or just visiting? If where you are now is helping you get better, maybe stay there for a while longer and take care of yourself. Connect with anyone who might have resources to help your sister.Try not to feel like you have to saev her by yourself.
Your family seems unaware of what mental illness really entails. Have you found a therapist yet? Maybe they could do joint sessions online with your family or at least talk to them about the seriousness of your sister's condition. It might not make everything better, but it couldn't hurt. You'll know best how to proceed.
Everything feels so complicated right now that figuring out what to do isn't easy, but I think as long as you're doing your best and caring for her, she will see that eventually. Calling your mom was a good step-letting them know about your sister's state. Eveen if they don't react well, at least you tried. And keeping records might help when talking to social workers or therapists.
I hope the panic is easing up soon-I haven't found any quick fixes besides waiting for it to pass. I wish there was more I could do to help.
Best,
Ruth
Thanks,Ruth! I'm heading over for a visit soon and hoping to swing back when my therapist gets out of the hospital-she didn't give me specifics on what she's dealing with, just that she'd be there. It's all so confusing, trying to keep everything under control while fighting off this FOMO monster. Trying to get my family to grasp my mental health struggles is like pulling teeth. Maybe it's because of the stigma here or how therapists are perceived. I'm doing my best to wrangle every loose thread in this crazy mess but it feels impossible sometimes.
I totally get wanting to micromanage everything-it feels like if I controlled every little detail, life would be easier and less stressful. But then again, if something goes wrong, it'd all be my fault. So yeah,no winning there.
It's heartbreaking when family lets us down in moments we need them most. they're supposed to have our backs but instead pull the rug out from under us.
You're seriously brave for going your own way and even braver for facing old demons by visiting family again. I'm sure you don't think of yourself as brave, but it's true. And reaching out to reconnect with your sister-that's a huge step in itself.
Stay connected, okay?
Thanks. Controlling everything and blaming myself is hard. Grandparents are asking about my job, but I haven't found one yet. Ging home took a lot of effort and bravery, but sis might think I'm annoying and mom could get pissed. Anxious on the train
RM,
How's it going?
Wish I could help your family see what you're dealing with and the effort mental illness takes.
You worry your sister sees you as annoying? Remember, older sisters are supposed to be annoying and younger ones get annoyed. That's normal family stuff. Sorting that from the real issues is tough, but she knows you love her. She might struggle knowing how to act around mom though. Still, visiting shows you care a lot.
Hope you俩能单独相处一下。
祝你好运。
Thanks for the support. So, I told my mom I wanted to go buy stuff for pancakes, but there was no money left at home. She said to take some from her stash, but I didn't want to do that since she's always at dad's place and he apparently gave their cash to her because teh baby ate hers? Total panic attack here-lkie, seriously, my heart's racing and I feel like I might throw up any second.
I went out to the store but ended up having to step outside again 'cause I was about ready to lose it. Took a pill, hugged my rabbit for comfort, but still feeling pretty shaken up. Yesterday when I got there, no one even said hi. Mom was asleep in her room-likely drunk-and sis was nowhere to be found, probably trying to get away from teh mess. Hope it's all just a bad dream and they actually have money on their card.
Feeling really stressed out about everything since yesterday. Seeing no cash just feaks me out more. Here's hoping we're covered somehow.