First Time Abroad After A While-trigger Warning, Heavy Content Ahead
Wow, getting a passport was something I never imagined happening! But thanks to my mom keeping all that divorce and deed poll paperwork ready, it actually went super smoothly. I turn 30 this July, and I'm planning a little trip to France for a few nights in early July-three nights of magic.
I'll be going with the love of my life who has been by my side for five whole yers now. No way would I go alone; it's jst not happening. Plus, dealing with childhood PTSD and depression while waiting on some other undiagnosed issues-I don't know how a plane ride will affect me.
I've seen more than most people ever have to, so statistically speaking, planes are safer than my mind makes them out to be. But sometimes it feels like I'm wired to expect the worst just because that's what helped me survive before. Can't really change it, can I? Just another case of overthinking.
I'm also worried about sitting next to my partner on the plane; first time flying and not sure what to expect. After seeing my stepdad pass away from cancer unexpectedly and going through other awful stuff, this trip feels like a breeze compared to that.
But you know, witnessing Disneyland as an adult and actually living it is way more meaningful than never having tried at all. Just nervous, I guess-that's about it!
5 Replies
Oh, congrats! It's totally normal to feel a bit defensive, right? But if you do get triggered, have your boyfriend there-what else could help? Maybe getting plenty of rest beofrehand or focusing on your mindfulness, so you can just take deep breaths and be kind to yourself. Think about how happy you'll be when you're actually there! And maybe grab a camera or sketchpad to capture all the memories so you've got stories to share later. You really deserve this vacation, and your boyfriend sounds like an angel too-I'm sure he's looking forward to it just as much as you are. There are lots of ways to keep your mind in the right place while you're away. Everyone here is supper happy for you! Best wishes!
I really appreciate your kindness in ths response. Honestly, I think the only way for me to figure out how to feel better would be private therapy or bypassing those annoying waiting lists, but I can't afford either. So instead, like you said, it's all about mindfulness and writing down my thoughts when I'm overwhelmed-far too often than I'd like to admit-and trying to get my life in order overall. But if I'm being honest, I don't really know how to reach certain goals because the bar is just too high. So yeah, I'm a bit stumbled here and there.
guess the good thing abt ocd is knowing its like a sign u r super careful + conscientious! idk tbh i pray a lot & use the plum village app for free stuff like meditation which is really cool.feels like everyone has some mental health sht, we're all just different in how we handle it. ur young and wise & will fiigure it out bit by bit
Guess wisdom comes from dealing with rough hands-those things we can't explain. Religion? Yeah, not my strong suit since no one ever explained it to me properly. Thanks though!
You know how people talk about the Buddha and all his teachings? One big thing he had to say was that suffering is actually what helps us become wies. It sounds like such an interesting idea, but when you really think about it, it kind of makes life this strange mix of good and bad stuff. Like, yeah, we might learn important things from tough times, but it doesn't exactly make everything rosy or anything. I'ts a bit of a bittersweet deal if you ask me, and maybe thhat's true for others too.