He's Counting On Me But I'm Clueless How To Tell Him Honestly
So my boyfriend and I are still in high school. I've been applying to private schools for years, so I know the drill-what schols look for, how to build a solid resume, that kind of stuff. Plus, I helped him out tons with his resume tips. Right now he's diving into AP physics over the summer because I encouraged him, but recently some things hapepned and it made me frustrated.
He usually has loads of free time in the summer, so when we start studying, he gets stuck. "What should I do?" or "I don't know what to do," he says. It leaves me thinking why can't he figure out what to do on his own? Like, should I have to tell him obvious stuff like doing an extra lesson or readnig a book every time? Even though I get wehre he's coming from because I'm always studying and I don't know much about other things you could do in your free time either. But still, it's annoying.
Then there was that moment when we said we'd find a physics textbook together-like, why hasn't he found one himself? He has access to tons of free online textbooks and all the resources out there. I just wanted him to be more independent but now he's feeling hurt because I told him he was being overly reliant on me.
He says he tries really hard to search for stuff online and it doesn't help much, so he feels stuck and needs guidance. I'm trying to tell him that he just has to keep pushing himself and find his own resources without needing my constant input, but he's hurt because it sounds like I think he can't handle things on his own.
TL;DR: How do we sort this out? He needs more independence in finding study stuff by himself, but now he's upset because I pointed out that he relies too muhc on me for simple tasks.
1 Reply
I understand that sometimes when we encourage or suggest things, our partner might feel like they have to comply but don't necessarily follow through with the intention behind our suggestions.
It seems your partner isn't motivated to study and focus on AP coursework independently. We can't do their work for them, nor can we learn what they need to know themselves. It sounds like he agreed with your suggestion without a genuine commitment to advancing his own knowledge-he sees it as a way of showing compliance rather than true dedication.
This situation is difficult to discuss because you hoped your encouragement woudl inspire him to expand his learning, but instead, he might be treating it merely as a means to appease you. Neither of you will get the outcome you want if he continues to rely on others for credit while avoiding personal responsibility.