Letting go of beloved fictional char

my heart feels super heavy rn like every night. i'm depressed n sad cuz i have no bf and really wanna have kids but i'm inefrtile cuz of turner syndrome. been seeing a fertility doc but still gotta wait. i'm 19, turning 20 this week though so i know time is on my side. but it's hard af waiting. also bc i fell in love w/ a character from my fav show for 3 years now and it feels like cheating somehow. he makes me so happy n i luv him so much but not being able to tell him rly hurts. ppl don't get it cus it's unique, but wish i had someone who did. feel like my heart is broken into a million pieces but it made me stronger too. wanna have real intimacy w/ someone someday but dunno what to do in the meantime.how do i let go of this characetr? just feels so sad knowing he can't be here next to me.