Lost in the feeling of true joy

Yeah, I get it.The title does sound kinda cheesy, but here's the thing-I've been feeling pretty off lately. It's like everything in my life is one big pretend act when I'm with people or my folks. I don't want them to worry about me, so I just put on a happy face. But now, I'm not even sure if I can tell what I'm really feeling anymore. It's exhausting trying to keep up the charade-I swear, sometimes I feel like I've become an emotion machine instead of a person: (. Hope it's okay to spill this out here; figured someone else might understand or at least wouldn't think I'm completely nuts